Help! How Do I Talk with My Family During the Holidays?
Navigating difficult conversations with family can be a challenge during the holiday season, especially with so much going on in the world right now. Between the stress of planning holiday gatherings and seeing that family member (or family members), how do you maintain your sanity?
Well, it’s probably not surprising to learn that although there’s no sure-fire way to avoid family drama, there are a few foundational communication skills that can prepare you for those holiday conversations with loved ones.
These handy skills can be summarized into the acronym DEARMAN:Describe: Describe the facts of the situation and just the facts! (You’ll get to share more next).
Express: Express your thoughts and feelings with the other person using “I” statements.
Assert: Assert yourself by clearly asking for what you want, or by clearly saying no. *Tip: Remember that others cannot read your mind. Even if something seems clear to you, make sure you fully explain it to the other person to make sure you’re on the same page.Reinforce: Reinforce or reward the person (figuratively) by telling them the positives of getting what you want or need out of the situation. (It would make me really happy if we could talk about your recent vacation).
(Stay) Mindful: Stay mindful and on topic!
Appear confident: Appear composed and steady in what you are asking for. *Tip: This includes verbal cues (tone of voice, unwavering when speaking) and non-verbals (eye contact, posture).Negotiate: Negotiate as needed, be willing to be flexible about your request as you feel it is appropriate.
Applying these interpersonal communication strategies can set the tone for a less intense conversation, but so can taking a break when needed. Sometimes, dismissing yourself for a restroom break or excusing yourself outside for a few minutes may allow you to check in with yourself before reacting in the moment. Make sure to consider your own boundaries and well-being this holiday season, including talking with a therapist when needed.
Struggling with managing family dynamics, boundaries, or communicating with others? You are not alone. We can help!
Wishing you a safe and happy holiday season!--Dr. Libby Wertz and the Viewpoint Team
To get started with one of our therapists at Viewpoint, fill out our online intake form here or call our intake coordinator, Kim, at 859.594.7346!
DEARMAN: From DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition by Marsha M. Linehan. Copyright 2015 by Marsha M. Linehan.
Learn more about the DEARMAN skill here: https://dialecticalbehaviortherapy.com/interpersonal-effectiveness/dear-man/
